What will I do when your gone jesse?
by The Storymaker
Summary: Its pretty much abotu Suze, and how she handles herslef when ,well, Jesse ides suddenly. Its a trajic, romantic tale of love, passion, betrayal, and eventualyl freedom.
1. Chapter 1

He said he loved me ,but had some ware to go. It was raining, so what was I supposed to do? I mean, I had loved him from the first second I saw him ,and finally he tells me and now he has to leave? I thought he must of not meant he loved me. He probably had just said it so I wouldn't feel bad I had just slept with him.

" How?" I asked, as he turned to look at me. His big brown eyes staring back.

"How what?" His umbrella had stopped the rain from hitting him, but I was soaked.

" How…how can you love me?" His eyes softened, and he walked back, pulling me into a 'Gone With The Wind' kiss . a deep, passionate, romantic kiss 

" I can love you…because you are mine. You are mine, aren't you?"

I looked up at him, he was a bit taller than me, and stroked my hand through his dark hair.

" Yeah. Yeah, I'm yours." Then I kissed him. I liked the feeling of his lips, warm against mine. Then he walked away. If I would of known what happened next, I would have screamed. Screamed at him to stay, to not leave me. Because I could of protected him. I could have stopped what happened next. I could have told Jesse never to leave me. To stay, right ware we were, outside campus. But instead he left. And a few hours later, I got the news.

" I…I'm sorry. The doctor said. Although I couldn't understand it at the time. I was just sitting on the floor, shaking. What! WHAT HAD THE DOCTER JUST TOLD ME? Jesse….Jesse, dead? No, no it couldn't be….no… He would never… he couldn't die. He had just begun to live!

"If-if there is anything I can do…" The nurse offered, but my brother Doc stopped her. He had come with me, since everyone else was out of town.

" Actually.. If you could tell me ware a phone is?" He asked. " I-I need to call someone Suze. Mum and dad actually, stay here, I'll be back-" As he started to walk away, I grabbed his arm. Not nicely, not warmly, but hard and rough.

" Suze- Please. I'll be right back." I wasn't even looking at him.

" Ma'am. Maybe we should call your parents for you. Did your friend have family? Anyone else we could call-?"

" No.." I muttered. " All he had was me." My voice was trembling, and I was still wearing the same soggy t-shirt and jeans as I was wearing when I was last with Jesse.

" All he had was me." I repeated, as she walked away. Then I let go of my brother, and started to get up.

" Suze- I, I should probably go make sure she phones the right number."

" Don't go." I whispered.

" I… I know I don't understand. But I'll be right back, I promise."

" No. No! No! No! No!" I was hitting my self, my heart. Another nurse ran over, and started to hold me still, with the help of a male nurse too. " NO! NO! Oh god, Jesse! Jesse! I'll save you! I'll use my powers! I promise! Jesse come back? You have unfinished business! Come back! Come back! No. I cant live without you! No." I was in hysterics. Finally I burst free, and ran across the hall towards the medication cart. I grabbed every kind of pill I could, crammngi the purple, triangular, and liquid fileld capsules down my throat.

" Call a doctor! She's going to need her stomach pumped and get a straight jacket!" The nurses screamed. And then Someone pushed a needle into my arm and I fell asleep.


	2. The Steamy Second prt1

When I woke up, I was surrounded by pale light. My mouth and throat were raw,

probably from when they and pumped my stomach. For about an hour, I worked on sitting up. My head ached, my left arm was seizureing, but at least I was alive…Alive. Jesse wasn't. I didn't even get to see the body. They said burn victims cant even be identified. It was just like, when I went into his past. I will just have to go into it again. This time, to save him.

Everything was a blur. For the rest of the year, I was in a silent dream only I could feel. I went to school, but didn't learn anything. I didn't talk to CeeCee, or anyone else. I was devastated, when I couldn't go into the past. I treid, and tried, and tried, until finally I gave up. After Jesse had died, there was nothing else to live for. All I ahd was me. Sure, I had friends and family, but my life had been Jesse. If I was a show, I'd be called : The Late Night Show starring Jesse and Suze.' I couldn't handle being just Suze. And then he came back.

No, I don't mean Jesse. I mean Paul. It was the first day of a new school year, 2 months after Jesse died and I had actually started to recover. I was closing my locker, when Paul walked up to me. I started to wal kaway, when he grabbed my arm. I julted back, and saw him staring at me. I looked inot his big, blue eyes for what msut have been forever, befor he spoke.

" I never wanted- I- I never wanted what happen to happen. I wanted you to love me. And- And I know that you aren't over Jesse." I closed my eyes shut, tightly holding my books up to my chest, and pictured Jesse in my mind.

" I'll never be over him." I whispered. Then Paul lifted my chin, gently, and kissed my mouth. He didn't even try to get his tongue in there either. He just kissed me softly. When he was done, I opened my eyes.

" You don't love me now, do you?" He asked.

" No." I answered, truthfully.

" Is it alright if I love you?" I nodded. " Alright." He smiled a bit. " I'll drive you home today." Then he turned and left. _I want to be able to love him_. I thought. _But I can't love him…can I?_

For the next few months, Paul loved me without asking anything in return. Then, on the last day of school until Christmas break, something happened. When he was driving me home, he stopped a few blocks fro mmy house. It was snowing, ( well, close enough to snmowing. It was more like rain ) so Paul had turned the heat up. As I was the tree's go by, I felt a jerk in the car. He had stopped it. I turned towards him

" What the-" Then I saw the intense look in his eyes. " P-Paul?"

" Suze. I have to know. And I have to know now. I love you. I always have. You have to tell me if you really like me, or just as a friend? And Suze?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to be just your friend." He rested his hand on my knee.

"Paul I-I- I cant tell you right now! Okay? I'm not ready!" He grabbed my face, and pushed it onto his. Shoving his tongue, exploring my mouth with it. I loved the feeling. Then I rubbed my hand on his back. Befor I knew what was happening, he was on top of me. My shirt was almost off. I pushed him off of me.

" Paul! We, we cant!"

"W-why-the-hell-not?" He asked between breathes of air.

" We are in a car. A _car_."

"Ohhh. I thought- oh."

"Yeah." I looked at the floor, while I was buttoning up my shirt.

" Ok. My family has a lodge. Really pretty in the winter. I'll pick you up tomorrow. If that's…okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah it is." I smiled. Then he looked me over, and said something funny.

"You look good like that. Stop wareing shirts to school." I laughed until he dropped me off. Then, I started packing.


	3. The odd Returna must read!

As we pulled up in Paul's BMW, it was like a dream. Snow cascaded down from mountains; there were dozens of pine and evergreen trees draped by the white powder. The house was huge, not like a little cabin. It was just me and Paul, not his family. I almost regretted bringing my skimpy black outfit. Almost.

" Hey, you going to go inside?" Paul asked, as he opened the door.

" No Slater, I'm just going to stand out here." I laughed. He led me through the main room, and upstairs. After I trudged behind him for a while, he finally stopped at the end of the hall. When he opened the door, I was surprised. It was the master bedroom, with a king-size bed, and a mountain view, the kind for ma magazine. It had a marble bathroom, and a large oak dresser. I loved it.

" I hope the dresser is big enough fro your stuff. Uh- I guess I'll go to my room."

" Hey Paul?" I said as he was about to leave.

" Yeah?" He asked, with a quizzical look on his face.

" Do you have any-"

" Protection? Yeah." I blushed, and threw a pillow at him.

" No stupid! Skis! I wanted to go skiing."

" Oh. Yeah sure." He looked disappointed, but I laughed anyway. I mean, he couldn't have thought that the whole reason for this tri paws just to…uh… well yeah you know. Because it wasn't. I mean, if we happened to ,then o.k. But I just wanted to get away.

That night, we sat romantically in front of the fire, sipping champagne.

" You know Simon, I never thought we would be together." Paul said, pulling back my hair.

" Me too. I mean, I never thought that I could be with _you_."

He looked taken back. " Why? I mean, it was always one of my fantasys." I giggled, and he put down his glass. Then he wrapped his arm around my neck. _Oh god_. I thought. _This is happening._ Then I put my glass down, with the help of Paul. Then he kissed me. A wanting kiss. A kiss that said ' I need you. All of you.' It was kind of overwhelming. Then my shirt came off. He was on top of me. I could practically feel the beating of his heart. Then he moved towards my skirt. I was lying on the coach, and couldn't breathe. I moaned a bit, but he must have thought it meant something else, not the fact I couldn't breathe. _If I cant get him off of me. I might pass out._ I thought. And then, I screamed.

Paul lept off of me. Or I thought he did. My eyes were closed, and I was breathing hard. I guess I didn't think that because he weighed 40 pounds more than me it would matter. It did. I had my eyes closed, and then I heard it. Another man's voice. Not any voice. Jesse's.

"Aggh!" I screamed, right after Paul. Standing before us, with osem of Pauls blood on his fist, was Jesse. Well, ghost Jesse. The Jesse I knew best. He was looking for me, to Paul, to the shirt on the coach. _A lot has changed Jesse. _I wanted to say, but didn't. His jaw was tight, but he still managed to walk over to the coach and throw the shirt towards me. He was angry.

" De Silva, what the hell are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be, uh, DEAD?" Paul yelle,d buttoning up his pants. _Oh god, of all the moments. _I thought. _I cant believe I was going to sleep with Paul._

"Jesse…how can you be?" I asked. I was crying. He was so beautiful.

" I heard you scream! I had just found out I had died… God Suzanna. I just died and I find you on the coach with Slater!" He yelled at me.

" Yeah, right. And if you didn't notice, we were kind of busy!" Paul scremed back. " What gives you the right to-"

"What? Come when my girlfriend screams? Huh? God Suzanna, how could you?" I was crying bad now. But that made my tears hot with anger.

" How could I! How could I? How could I what? Jesse, how could you!" I ran over to him ,and started beating on his chest. " How could you leave me! How could you leave me! I love you! And you, you had to go and be a hero!" He held my hands back, until I fell down, crying. " You had to go and be a hero and leave me here. I cried, and called you. You never came. How could you leave me?" I was mumbling ,and didn't look up.

" Suzanna. I just died. I had to help those people in that building, okay? I had to. Jeeze. An it hasn't been a week yet even." I was still crying. I heard Paul chig his drink.

" Fuck." He broke the glass in the fire. " Look outside de Silva. It's been a year. And if you wanted to know, she only kissed me once before this. You're a fucking asshoel, you know that? I mean, when you died, you killed her too." Jesse looked at me when Paul said that.

" A year?" He asked. And I answered a quick yes. Then he pulled me in his arms, and carried me upstairs. Paul followed, and I watched on the bed as Jesse packed my things, and Paul threw them back onto the bed.

" Get away Slater." Jesse said.

" Huh? What the hell-? Get lost Jesse. Your dead. She's with me now." Then they both looked at me, and Jesse asked the question I never thought he's be alive to ask.

" Are you with him or me?"


	4. The Decision

It had never occurred to me, that Jesse might come back. He had died. Died. What was I supposed to think? And now…now he was trying to get me to choose. The nerve. You would think it would be an easy choice, right? Think again. You see since Jesse was dead, Paul had become…well, a different person. And Jesse…what future could we have? And I couldn't base my decision on the past. Could I?

" Susannah. You have to decide. I don't like to pressure you, but I have to. If you don't want me, I'll leave and never some back." I cringed. Life without Jesse? But then again, I was about to …well, you know, with Paul. It would be bad for me to just blow him off like that.

" Suze. Come on, tell ghost boy that we are together." How could they pressure me like this?

" Slater. Shut up." Then he walked over to me, and lifted my chin with his hands. They weren't warm. " Querida. I'm not forcing you to choose me. I know- I- I know how you msut feel." I started to cry.

" Its just so hard. I love you Jesse. Or, I did. I… It would have been easier if you were here. But Paul…" I walked over to him, and kissed his cheek. " Paul. You know I can't-can't say I love you." His eyes grew angry.

" Yeah. Whatever. Ok, if you want to be with De Silva than do whatever the fuck you want. Don't care anyway. But if you aren't going to be with me, you better leave." He turned away.

" Paul…please. Don't you understand? Jesse and I- we are meant for each other."

" Whatever."

" No. not whatever. What we had, " I pointed to him ,and back at my heart. " it was special. Ok? I'm not going to pretend that we can go back to being enemies. I mean, I can't. This is hard for me, o.k. And I never broke it off with Jesse. So you have to understand-"

" Understand what? Understand that the moment your _dead_ boyfriend calls, you come running?"

"It's not like that!" I tried to grab his arm, but he pushed me down. Within a second, Jesse was pulling back his arm. " Jesse! No… let him leave."

" Susannah, he hurt you-"

" No. It was the other way around." And then Paul left. And I was left alone in my live boyfriend's house with my dead boyfriend.


	5. The End

"We belong together" Jesse whispered in my ear. And that's why it was hard.

"Jesse, I can't. We-"

"Can't what? We can do anything together Querida. I love you." He nuzzled at my ear, but no one could see it. Not that anyone else was in my room.

" Jesse, when you left it broke my heart. And it hurt so much. I can't pretend you aren't dead." He pulled back, and a tear dropped from my cheek onto his jeans. Then we were silent for a while. Silent while I looked down and he looked at the tear.

" I know." He said silently. Any bit of life in his eyes disappeared. Then, I cupped his face in my palm.

"I want you here. I wanted to be with you more than-"

"More that what?" He took my hand off of his face. "More than I want to be with you?" I was a little taken back. " More than I want to be alive? More than I want to feel you, more than I want to kiss you?" He grabbed me and pulled me into an intoxicating kiss. Then he pulled away quickly. " You can't feel my blood, or the warmth? No, neither can I. So I guess your right. I guess we were never meant to be." He was mad, but I didn't get a chance to say anything back, because the second I stood up he disappeared.

"Jesse! Don't you dare leave me like that again!" I screamed at the walls, a river of hot salty tears streaming dowm my face an nose. "Don't you dare leave me!" I grabbed my pillow from my bed, and ripped its cover, screaming. " Get back here!" I was throwing everything around. Then as I was taking all the sheets off of my bed, I heard a few people coming up the stairs. As soon as I fell onto the floor, my oldest brother sleepy and two of his friends burst into the room. Finding me a bloody mess and my room torn apart.

"Shit." He said. Then he started to come in.

"Get out." I growled, standing.

"No, Suze. Your messed up. I'm going to call your dad." One of his friends picked up a picture of me and Jesse.

"Get away from it!" I screamed at him. And as I screamed, a fireball appeared in my hand. His friends screamed, and so did Sleepy. Wait, did I not forget that I had discovered my new gifts with the help of Paul? We don't just make-out at mediator/shifting lessons you know.

" My dead boyfriend just fucking died. And if you don't leave me alone you'll be next." I hurled the fire at my wall, setting it ablaze. Screaming they ran from my room leaving me to wonder what happened. _How_ it happened. Then as I heard a fire truck, Jesse appeared.

"Susannah. Come on." He reached out to pull me up, but I threw him to the ground.

"Get away from me." I growled, running my hands threw my hair.

"Susannah. I don't know how you started the fire, but I'm not letting you die."

"That's right. You're not going to let me die. I'm making you." Then I whispered a few words remembered father Dom saying, and I was gone. When I looked again, Jesse was standing befor me. Alive. We were back in front of his campus dorm.

" Quierda, you ok?" He asked, pulling my chin up.

"You're- you're not dead?" I asked, then he laughed.

" Uh no suze, not anymore." Then we kissed. It was sweet and gentle, not like Paul's.

" Well, I have to go darling." He sighed and started to leave, but I grabbed his arm.

" What will I do when you're gone Jesse?" I whispered into his lips.

" Suze. I'll never leave you."

" I know, but if you were to die today…what should I do?"

" Suze?" He raised his left eyebrow at me.

" Never mind." I smiled a bit. "Just go the long way, okay?"

"Sure."


End file.
